Where Regret Cannot Find Me: Essays from the Spiritual Path

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Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.


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It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task.

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It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships. This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind.

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How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.

Choose happiness. Those who seek to challenge this narrative face overwhelming opposition, which makes an honest, open debate difficult. Over on Mumsnet , multiple threads exist with women mourning the loss of their old lives and battling with the daily reality of motherhood. No doubt someone will try to convince me it is, just like unhappy Victorian ladies were labelled as mentally ill when they were desperately unhappy with the lives society gave them. I am perfectly happy with my life, or rather, I was.

My son is perfectly lovely, and my partner is extremely helpful. I adore them both. I was in love with the idea. Society told me it was what I wanted, right? This article contains affiliate links, which means we may earn a small commission if a reader clicks through and makes a purchase. All our journalism is independent and is in no way influenced by any advertiser or commercial initiative.

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By clicking on an affiliate link, you accept that third-party cookies will be set. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

Regrets of the Dying

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:. This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.

Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way.

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From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it. This came from every male patient that I nursed. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners.

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All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.

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Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.